The Doubt in the Anthropologist
by StephyJ83
Summary: Season 6 one-shot between tSitS and tHitH. Does everyone think Brennan is cold-hearted? Brennan examines the evidence. Meant to set up feelings for tHitH.


**A/N:** Hey! Long time reader, first time writer. This is meant to take place after "The Signs in the Silence" and before "The Hole in the Heart." It is meant to set up Brennan's feelings about what kind of person she is. She asks the questions after VNM was shot, and I think the previous episode led into that a little bit. This is meant to cover that bridge. Just a short one-shot about her thoughts and feelings that came to me while listening to this awesome Glee song...

Awesome thanks to my beta reader, Dr. Temperance Brennan! You should all go check out her profile and her own works!

o*o*o

_"Yeah, I'll send out a wish,  
>Yeah, I'll send up a prayer<br>That finally someone will see  
>How much I care"<em>

_~"Get It Right" (Glee)_

o*o*o

My feelings are not important. My job does not depend on how I feel.

At least, that is what I keep telling myself.

And yet, I do feel. I feel passionately. Not that anyone here would ever believe me. Over the years I have forgotten how to show my feelings, how to show that I care. Because caring leads to pain. And pain is not a feeling I wish to experience.

I care about the people around me, but they have caused me pain. They may not realize it, but every person I work with has accused me of being cold hearted, unfeeling, and selfish. And though I act as if I don't care, I am hurt deeply by such accusations.

Cam and I definitely didn't get along well when she first arrived. I will admit that I was jealous that she was given a position superior to mine. We had different ways of approaching our cases. But, I learned to respect her and work with her. However, when I decided to do something I truly wanted, something that would relieve me from the pain of dealing with murder every day, she blamed me for destroying our team.

"_What happened is you put your own desires ahead of everything else and you left."_

"_Are you angry with me?"_

"_Yes, I am angry, Dr. Brennan! We had a great thing going and you just… you let it fall apart."_

I was deeply troubled by her statement. Was I really too selfish? I just needed time and space. I thought it would be a good thing, but apparently it wasn't.

And then there is Sweets. He has always been a puzzle to me. He wanted me to open up about my past. He told me he considered me one of his closest friends. Yet, on this last case, he alleged that I did not care about Samantha's motives, or what happened to her.

"_Oh, right. Of course, 'cause motive isn't important to you, just the fact that she was the one wielding the knife, right?"_

I told him that I did care, and that I intended to discover what the young girl was hiding. I told him that I was not as cold as everyone seemed to think I was. Sweets did look sheepish, and he apologized, but I didn't feel that he was being completely sincere. He obviously has a low opinion of me. Why would he say he is my friend if he thinks so little of me?

Hodgins and I had a quiet bond that I treasured. After nearly dying together when we were buried alive, I believed that we had an understanding of one another. We had hugged each other and cried together. Over the years we pushed each other, and got testy sometimes, but Hodgins could always make me smile a little. I may not have always indulged him, but I always did find his proclamation of being "King of the Lab" quite endearing. Yet, during the Taffet Trial, his words wounded me.

"_Are you kidding me? Is it really that easy for you to forget what happened to us?"_

I told him that I would never forget and that he wasn't the only one suffering. I know he was angry, but I have often discovered that truth is often found in angry words. I was hurt that he, of all people, accused me of forgetting and not feeling.

Even Angela, my best friend, has told me that I don't care. She was always my most staunch supporter. She gave me advice, helped me with my books, and was always on my side. I had always wondered how I was lucky enough to have a friend like her. Then, during the case with the chicken plant, she said harsh words to me. She said words that I would have never imagined her saying to me.

"_It worries me that you can look into these eyes and be so cold."_

"_I'm sure he's a fine piglet, but-" _

"_How are we friends? How is it possible? I mean, we have nothing in common."_

I was so stunned by her words. My heart felt crushed. In that moment, I wished that I were as cold as everyone thought I was. Maybe then her words would not have stung so sharply.

And then there is Booth. Booth is the one I would die for and kill for. I would give everything for him. And yet, I still remember so many times that he accused me of being cold and unfeeling.

"_You're a cold fish."_

"_Get a soul."_

Yes, Booth went on to defend me to others. He said recently that he knows the kind of person that I am and that I should let others in on the secret. Yet I still, to this day, remember his many unkind words to me during the beginning of our partnership. It makes me hesitant to pursue a relationship with him. What if he decides that his early conclusions of my character were correct?

Even my interns have a low opinion of me. Wendell told me that I was abrasive. On this last case with Samantha, Mr. Vaziri seemed surprised that I cared. I told him the truth - that if I knew how to convey how I felt I would. He seemed surprised.

Booth once told me that everyone here at the Jeffersonian formed a different kind of family. But my family here doesn't seem to really know me, and that worries me. How can they be my family and care about me if they don't think I can care?

I don't know how to show people that I care. I don't know how to change.

What kind of person am I?


End file.
